"My daughter's father has some diagnosed mental health issues (and some that are not and probably never will be diagnosed). In terms of behavior, this looks like mood swings, shopping sprees, a lot of very elaborate plans that don't come to fruition, periods of inertia, struggling with basic upkeep in the home, and anger (never directed at her). Dear Trying, Officially, we have 50/50 custody, although in reality, I do most of the parenting."
"I would first ask the therapist who told you to "name these things" for some guidance on how best to do that. But since you've asked, I'll take a crack at it. My instinct is that an effort to keep your child's father's behavior from becoming "a dark secret"-either something she perceives as a dark secret you're keeping from her or a dark secret she is being obliged to keep (that her father is "odd")-would not involve diagnoses at all."
Ask the clinician who recommended naming issues for specific language and timing guidance. Use simple, age-appropriate, honest explanations about behaviors rather than diagnostic labels. Avoid creating a sense of secrecy or burdening the child with hidden problems. Describe how certain behaviors can affect routines, safety, and feelings, and reassure the child that they are not responsible. Balance honesty without excusing harmful actions or disparaging the parent. Emphasize available supports, predictable routines, and that adults are working to keep the child safe and cared for.
Read at Slate Magazine
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