Children who were praised only for achievements and never for simply existing often become adults who cannot relax unless they feel they've earned the right to - Silicon Canals

"A child who only hears praise when they perform, who never hears 'I just like having you around' or 'You don't have to do anything special for me to love being your parent,' learns something far more corrosive: that their baseline state is insufficient. The lesson isn't explicit. No parent sits their child down and says, 'You are only lovable when productive.' The lesson is absorbed through thousands of micro-moments."

"Research from the American Psychological Association highlights the hidden toll of high-stakes success culture on children, noting that perfectionism fueled by external validation can embed itself deep into a child's developing self-concept."

Children who receive praise only for achievements learn that their baseline existence is insufficient and that love is conditional on performance. This lesson develops through countless micro-moments—a parent's enthusiasm over an A-grade versus neutral distance on ordinary days. The silence and warmth patterns teach children that their value depends on external validation and accomplishment. Research from the American Psychological Association demonstrates that perfectionism fueled by external validation embeds deeply into developing self-concepts. Adults shaped by this conditional love struggle to relax without guilt, experiencing rest as theft and maintaining internal monologues about unfinished tasks, creating a lifelong performance trap.

Read at Silicon Canals