5 Core Needs for a Healthy Childhood

"The five As, our original needs, are the qualities of a holding environment: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. These five qualities foster secure attachment - both in childhood and in adult relationships. Fortunately, as children, all it takes for safety and security is to have our needs satisfied with good enough parenting. We do not need perfection, nor is it possible."

"You felt that your parents, or at least one of them, directed an engaged focus on you. You felt they were paying mindful attention to you with no judgment or reproach of you. They looked not at you, but into you to know your feelings and needs. They asked you what you felt and needed without trying to convince you otherwise."

Secure attachment forms when caregivers meet five core needs—attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing—creating a holding environment that supports safety in childhood and adult relationships. Good enough parenting that reliably satisfies these needs provides the necessary protection; perfection is unnecessary and unattainable. Attention involves engaged, nonjudgmental focus, mirroring feelings, checking in, and genuinely hearing the child. Appreciation means valuing the child for who they are, acknowledging gifts, avoiding favoritism, and backing the child against others. Affection, acceptance, and allowing similarly provide steady warmth, unconditional care, and freedom for self-expression that support emotional growth and secure bonds.

Read at Psychology Today