"You described your group as informal, open to all skill levels, welcoming to everyone, but you want to put additional stipulations on one person's participation. So, is it welcoming, or not? Your relationship with this woman and her husband will continue to be fraught if you're thinking of this group as for everyone but everyone comes with an asterisk."
"You could ask her if she's open to feedback about her playing. She could say no, thank you, of course. But if she has an interest in improving, you should come prepared with actual steps she can take, be it switching instruments or taking lessons or something else."
"More broadly, the group needs to decide whether it has different rules or not. It's likely that she has a completely different expectation of the group, namely that it's a place where you can come as you are and play however you'd like."
A music group faces tension when a member's lack of musical skill disrupts the sound quality, despite the group's stated openness to all levels. While the group loves the woman and wants to preserve her husband's participation as a core player, they struggle with how to address her playing without hurting her feelings. The advice emphasizes that groups cannot claim to be welcoming to everyone while simultaneously imposing hidden standards on specific members. The solution involves honest communication: asking if she wants feedback, offering concrete improvement steps like lessons or instrument changes, and having the group collectively decide its actual policies rather than maintaining contradictory positions.
#group-dynamics #conflict-resolution #inclusive-communities #honest-communication #setting-boundaries
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