"I caught myself mid-sentence and sat with it for a moment. My wife was talking. The restaurant was loud. The food was fine. And I was sitting there doing what I have apparently always done, which is smoothing a surface that wasn't actually rough, for a person who did not require smoothing."
"The difficulty is that somewhere along the line I stopped being able to tell the difference between genuine consideration for others and a reflexive preemption of any situation in which someone else might feel the slightest friction."
"I apologize when I'm given the wrong change. I apologize when I need to repeat something the other person didn't hear. I make myself smaller in conversations when I sense the other person is tired or distracted."
"I soften disagreement into questions when I have an actual view. I volunteer reassurance in situations that demand it, often at the cost of my own perspective."
Apologizing for the mistakes of others, such as a waiter bringing the wrong dish, reveals a deeper pattern of behavior. This tendency to smooth over discomfort stems from a desire to maintain harmony and avoid friction. Over time, this behavior can blur the line between genuine consideration and a reflexive need to preempt any potential discomfort for others. This pattern manifests in various situations, leading to self-diminishment and a lack of assertiveness in conversations and interactions.
Read at Silicon Canals
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