"Family can be a fraught topic and I don't pretend that I can help patients work out all of their complex issues and past history before heading home for the holidays. Processing that stew of anger, ambivalence, disappointment, guilt, and other uncomfortable emotions takes time in therapy to examine and resolve. But there are practical steps you can take to prevent frustration, blow-ups, and discomfort with your family. The key: adjusting your attitude as you head into the holidays."
"F=Forget. Your psychotherapy may involve delving into the hurts heaped on you when growing up. But why not consider letting go of those memories and feelings just for a day or two over the holidays? Sometimes I suggest that a patient close their eyes, fill an imaginary red balloon with the negativity they harbor toward relatives, and then let the balloon go and fly into the air."
"You can always come back to examining family issues but, for the holidays, try to Be Here Now, as Ram Dass, an American spiritual leader and yoga guru, advised in a book of the same title. By bringing all your emotional baggage to the holiday table, you set yourself up for an unhappy experience. By letting go of hurt and hostility, you give yourself a chance to enjoy the holiday. Don't deprive yourself of a good time."
Holiday family gatherings often provoke anxiety and can be derailed by unresolved emotional baggage. Deep processing of family wounds usually requires time in therapy, but short-term attitude adjustments can prevent holiday blow-ups and discomfort. The FEUDS mnemonic outlines five subtle attitude shifts to try; F stands for Forget, which involves temporarily letting go of hurt—for example, imagining placing negativity in a red balloon and releasing it. E stands for Ease, encouraging reduction of tension to lower the risk of escalation. These practical steps aim to allow presence, reduce frustration, and increase the likelihood of enjoying holiday time.
Read at Psychology Today
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