Fat, fearless and over 50. Thanks to my TikTok outfit posts, I feel powerful and seen | Jen Walshaw

"After spending a large proportion of this year in hospital and coming out with a feeding tube, life felt completely upside down. I'd gone from running a busy home, juggling work, family and the everyday chaos that comes with it, to suddenly being ripped out of normality and forced to slow down in ways I never expected. When I finally returned home, I felt fragile physically and emotionally. Getting dressed felt like climbing a mountain some days, never mind feeling remotely like myself."

"My most-liked video is a simple one of me in an unremarkable cord skirt, oversized collar blouse and knee-high boots. It began as a simple promise to myself. Posting a video meant I had to get up, get dressed and show up in some form. It was a combination of accountability, motivation and a way to reconnect with the world again. I honestly didn't expect it to become anything more."

"Each video starts the same way, with my tiny bio: Hi, I'm Jen: fat, flat, over 50 and with a feeding tube. TikTok is bursting with outfits of the day (OOTDs) fit checks, and women absolutely smashing it with their personal style. There are some brilliant over-50 creators too (FearlessAt50, Fran Bacon, Sally White and Rhian are all fantastic). But there aren't many who look like me: fat, over 50, flat-chested thanks to a double mastectomy 18 years ago and navigating extra health challenges."

I spent much of the year in hospital and returned home with a feeding tube, feeling physically and emotionally fragile. Life shifted from running a busy household and juggling work and family to being forced to slow down and lose normality. Dressing felt like a mountain and identity felt distant. I began posting daily outfit videos on TikTok as a small promise to get up, get dressed and show up, using accountability and creativity to reconnect. My bio states: Hi, I'm Jen: fat, flat, over 50 and with a feeding tube. I claimed the word fat as a descriptor and stopped hiding my flatness after a double mastectomy.

Read at www.theguardian.com