You and the baby's father should go to these appointments. If you would like more support at an appointment, you could invite her or another family member, but this invitation should come from you not the other way around.
Establishing respectful boundaries can be a tough job. But this is the beginning of your life as parents, and you have the right and responsibility to develop good boundaries and good judgment about what you believe is best for you and your child.
The last time my SIL brought this up, I stopped her and said that although her experiences are valid, this is my mother and she is dead now, and I find it offensive to keep hearing about it. I validated her feelings and told her again how much I admired her.
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