A wellness coach describes how rushing sex in youth led to pressure to “perform” and to dictating pace, often ending encounters right after finishing. With age and two decades of experience, he emphasizes that good sex is not centered on a penis but is co-created with a partner. He highlights that slowing down increases time for connection, longer-lasting experiences, and more opportunities to give a partner orgasms and pleasure. He also stresses setting the stage for safety and real connection so a partner can relax and fully respond. Reframing sex to include foreplay and activities like oral reduces performance anxiety and allows more time for what the partner wants.
"“As a young man, I wish someone had told me that good sex wasn't all about me and my penis. Just like most men, younger me assumed that sex was just intercourse, and to have good intercourse, your penis had to 'perform.' Not only did that put a lot of pressure on me to feel solely responsible for the entire experience, it also led to me singlehandedly dictating the pace of things in bed: the moment I'd start getting hard, I'd rush us on toward intercourse. And the moment I finished, we were done. As a result, I never spent very much time on foreplay (especially foreplay focusing on my partner) for fear of losing an erection.”"
"“Sex has gotten significantly better with age,” Hightower told HuffPost. “It lasts longer, there's more time for connection, and more time to give her orgasms and pleasure.”"
"“Young men rush to release. Older, more experienced men know how to set the stage for safety and real connection so she can unfurl,” he said."
Read at HuffPost
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